transatlanticism.

In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here

Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely

If you know me in real life, you'd know that my main concern in mental health field is depression, including its causes and its variety of levels and clinical names. I haven't even moved on from Chester Bennington's death and now another great artist, Kim Jonghyun of SHINee, took his own life four days ago. Online articles keep writing about his depression and his funeral procession, and it doesn't help ease the pain.

This phone call, it's... it's my note. That's what people do, don't they? Leave a note?

– Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock: The Reichenbach Fall ep. 3

Jonghyun did leave a note, saying how he blamed himself for feeling depressed; a "normal" thing to do for a clinically depressed person. But he wrote something that ticked me:
"But they said I should live.
I asked why so many times, but it's not for me. It's for you.
I wanted to be for me."
(translation from allkpop.com)
  
"It's not for me.. It's for you."

A couple years ago, a friend came to me telling how she wanted to end her life. Back then I kept thinking to myself, if she were to ask me why she should keep living, what would my answer be?
That it would make me sad because she was a precious friend?
That it would sadden her family?
That it would make her girlfriend grieve?
But that's what other people would feel. What about her own feelings? What should I say that wasn't going to sound selfish? What kind of answer that would bring back her purpose in life? Is there even a right answer?

I didn't know.

A person who's depressed commonly lose their will to even do things they usually love. Their passion doesn't seem to matter anymore, so I figured it'd be useless to say "don't die because you have a great talent in art". So what? My friend, Chester, and Jonghyun were all talented and successful artists yet they still (wanted to) take their own lives. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Why? I can't even end things the way I want?", Jonghyun wrote.

I wish I could came up with a better answer than "I don't know".