Thursday, July 28, 2016

Pitch black (important, long, narrative ramble about depression)

Suicide and depression have taken a lot of my concerns these past 6-7 months. I've been a psychology student for 4 years, I did have deep thoughts about those things, that you can't take them lightly as if they are minor issues. But I've never really think about it, like all the time. Probably my heavy concerns started around half a year ago when a friend came to me and talked about her depression and suicidal thoughts. What made her feel so tired of life and just wanted to end it all. All I could think about since then was what could I do to help, not only her, but also other people who may or may not have realized the tenacity to commit suicide. Simply put: I've been trying to be more aware of the symptoms in people around me, and trying to raise more awareness about it. That's why 3 of my most recent posts in this blog is about suicide.

Yesterday, one of my high school seniors took his own life. The news that spread among my high school friends was only that he died. That itself was enough to raise disbelief among us because he was a really popular guy, we knew that he had lots of friends, and he always seemed to be that crazy dude who was kinda disrespectful towards teachers, always caused troubles, but always seemed happy. Finding out that he commit suicide, I was shocked even more. He didn't look depressed at all. I guess that's what everyone would think.

I can't say that I knew him well. The only time we converse was when we introduced ourselves, and that was it. Looking at him, you'd know instantly that he was that kind of crazy dude, who would laugh anything and everything away. I think there's no one in my school that didn't know him. He was that popular. It's all enough to make me feel like I lost him.

You see, when people commit suicide, they would leave all the people around them wondering for the rest of their lives.
"Why did they do this?"
"What was haunting them?"
"What did I do wrong?"
"Was there anything I could do to help but didn't?"
"Why didn't they talk to me about it?"
"WHY?"

Unanswered questions. Regrets. Guilt.

I will never get tired of saying this:

When you feel like you're in a pitch black darkness of problems which you think you can't get out of, when you feel like ending your life is the only way,
DON'T.
It's not the only way. It will never be the way. Please, talk to someone. You don't have to wait until you feel like you want to explode. Talk, even if you think your problems are too small. Never EVER hesitate to talk just because you think people are just going to dismiss you. If you feel like your friends and family will only make it worse, go to a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or at least a psychology student. That's our job: we listen to your problems. Maybe your problems won't meet the solutions right away, but the best thing about talking it out is that you don't have to think all by yourself. You are loved, you are needed, maybe not by the people that you think they're most supposed to. But somewhere, there are people who do, maybe the most unthinkable ones. Maybe your long lost friends. Maybe someone you even forgot. You'll be missed when you're gone. You are precious. Don't ever think that you're not.

Last but not least, please try to be more aware of the people around you. Pay more attention. Never EVER belittle other people or their problems. It could be lethal. If they come to you trying to get help, the least thing you can do is listen. It's okay if you don't have a solution. Listening is a better medicine than chemical medicine.

(Earlier in the morning before I heard that news, I just wrote a chapter of what could be a continuing story. And in fact, it is about depression and suicide. It's fiction, it's still ongoing, it's still a working title (maybe), the template is still very messy, I really just signed up on Tumblr yesterday morning just for the story-writing purpose. You can read it here: http://that-corner.tumblr.com. I think it's the least I can do to raise awareness while fulfilling one of my hobbies, which is writing.)

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